The sixth release in the Army of Little Green Men collection by the StepBastard is a Zeta Reticulan that finds one piece of American culture particular alluring. The “F” you attitude. When this guy found out what was meant by the extension of a middle finger…and the cultural mood behind it…he adopted it immediately and doubled his efforts to get on board. Literally.
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Here is the tale the computer kicked out when I asked it to tell a story about this particular Grey alien.
Zog’s Birds: The Tale of an Alien Who Just Doesn’t Give a Flip
In a galaxy far, far away—no, seriously, way beyond the twinkling stars and flashy nebulae—there lived a little Grey Alien named Zog. Now, Zog wasn’t your average intergalactic traveler; he was a knowledge-hungry, wide-eyed little critter who was obsessed with learning every quirky custom Earthlings had to offer. One day, while flipping through the Intergalactic Library’s Guide to Earthly Weirdness, he stumbled upon the most hilarious discovery yet: the middle finger. That’s right, folks—Zog found out about the ancient Earth art of flipping someone off.
To Zog, this wasn’t some obscene gesture dripping with venom. No, no—our naive extraterrestrial pal thought it was just a more enthusiastic way of saying, “Hey, you’re mildly annoying, but it’s cool.” Naturally, Zog decided to put his newfound knowledge to the test.
So, picture this: Zog’s cruising through the bustling market on planet Zerk, where all sorts of alien weirdos are hawking their intergalactic junk. He’s floating along, just vibing, when he stops at a vendor selling wiggly woggles—a squishy snack Zog can’t get enough of. But this vendor, bless his soul, is taking his sweet time, handing over Zog’s woggle with the speed of a sloth on sedatives. Zog, starting to feel a tad impatient, thinks, “Ah, perfect! Time to try out my new Earth trick.” With all the grace of a ballerina on bath salts, Zog flips the vendor off with both hands. Yeah, you read that right—double birds, because why not?
Download Double Bird Alien -or- Order the model here
The vendor’s eyes bug out, and he drops the woggle like it’s on fire. Meanwhile, Zog floats away, blissfully unaware of the chaos he’s just unleashed, thinking, “Man, this gesture really gets the point across!”
But Zog isn’t done yet. Oh no, this alien’s on a roll. He drifts into a crowd gathered around some glowing orb, all yammering away and completely blocking his path. Zog, ever the polite space traveler, tries to squeeze by, but these bozos don’t budge. So what does Zog do? You guessed it—up go the hands, and out come the double birds. “Excuse me, you’re being a pain in the backside,” he says, flashing his signature move. The crowd? Parted like the Red Sea, leaving Zog to float through with a smug little grin.
Later, Zog swings by the Intergalactic Post to send a message to his buddy Blip. But wouldn’t you know it, the creature in front of him is taking a geological age to pick out stamps. Zog’s patience? Gone. So, he taps the creature on the shoulder, and when they turn around, Zog hits them with—surprise, surprise—double birds. The creature practically throws the stamps at the cashier, and Zog finally gets to send his message, thinking, “This gesture is a game-changer!”
The grand finale comes when Zog returns home to find his neighbor, Gloop, has once again left his stupid glow-in-the-dark lawn ornaments scattered all over Zog’s path. One wrong step, and Zog’s nearly doing cartwheels trying not to faceplant. Frustrated, Zog flips off the absent Gloop with both hands because, by now, it’s basically his version of “Hey, neighbor!” With a sigh, Zog heads inside, flips off his teapot for taking too long, and finally kicks back in his favorite chair, thinking, “I’ve really mastered this Earthling communication thing.”
And so, our tale ends with Zog, the alien who brought the double bird to the stars, sipping his tea with a contented smile, knowing he’s made the galaxy a slightly sassier place—one flip-off at a time.
Download Double Bird Alien -or- Order the model here
Get Zog: The Double Bird Alien Who Says What We’re All Thinking!
Meet Zog—the alien who’s not afraid to tell the universe exactly where to shove it! Introducing the Zog Double Bird Figurine, a glow-in-the-dark masterpiece that captures the cheeky essence of everyone’s favorite sassy Grey. If you’ve ever had one of those days, Zog’s got your back—both hands in the air, flipping off life’s little annoyances with style.
Why You Need Zog in Your Life:
- Zero F’s Given: Zog’s iconic double bird is the perfect way to say, “I’ve had enough!” with a smirk. Stick him on your desk, shelf, or nightstand, and let his rebellious spirit brighten your day.
- Lights Out, Attitude On: This isn’t just some regular figurine—Zog glows in the dark! Whether it’s a gloomy day or you just need a little light in the darkness, Zog’s got your back, lighting up the room with his glow and sass.
- Print Your Own or Grab One Ready to Rock: Whether you’re a 3D printing pro or you just want Zog in your life ASAP, we’ve got you covered. Download the STL file and customize Zog however you like, or grab a ready-made version, complete with that glow-in-the-dark finish and perfectly raised middle fingers.
- Small But Mighty: Standing at 3.5 inches, Zog might be pint-sized, but his attitude? Massive. Perfect for your desk, your collection, or just to flip off the world with a smile.
Don’t just take life’s nonsense lying down—flip it off with Zog! Get your Zog Double Bird Alien today and let the universe know exactly how you feel.
